What do you think of humans? Any tips on taking care of one?

What does Wauf think of humans? Any tips on taking care of one?

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I find this edutainment to be semi-accurate, but also very unhelpful overall.
    Is there an accredited knowledge base on how to deal with their annoying idiosyncrasies?

    Thinking about releasing mine back into the wild. It'll be fine, its fat.

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Get a rat instead. Much better.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Breed enough of them and they act like humans anyway...

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I keep one in my mother's basement. It requires food two times a day, a computer with internet connection, and a supply of paper handkerchiefs.
    No need for a cage, it never tries to leave the room except to eat. I wash it once a week or when people visit.
    It's mostly nocturnal and dislikes any strong light in the room, electric or natural.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I have a male and a female but they avoid each other and refuse to breed whenever I place them together. What the frick is their problem?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Your attempt to breed ‘nids won’t work if both are white. Replace the white male with a black male and your ‘nids will be mating continuously. Make sure to invest on a larger enclosure for the litters.

      Good luck

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        *stops stopwatch*
        5 days, pretty slow

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yes I’ve heard this method is very commonly practiced among the long nose ‘nids themselves for some reason results are less than stellar however offspring come out moronic and deformed

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >another thread derailing into /misc/

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      So far it's more /x/ than /misc/. Don't if that is any better but still.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >implying that wasn’t the intended purpose in the first place

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Is it okay to keep feeder humans in racks?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Seasoned Martian farmer here.

      No. Humans have high potential for fat development while in non-active conditions. Instead of their energy being used towards overal flesh and muscle, fat deposits across their body will form while muscle atrophy takes hold. If you don't just want a ball of lard you need to get them to free roam and place them under intense physical conditions. Equip them with weighted vests and put them in a field. Then occasionally get a greyBlack person to run in and chase them. Don't know why, but Hominids freakout seeing those guys despite being half their size. Cheap as Egilon Chips too as greyBlack folk will do anything as long as it means they get rape some form of orifice with those freaky ass probes. Do this on and off for a few years and you will get some large and lean humans ripe for harvesting.

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >blatant shitpost thread still up
    Lmao

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      We love you 🙂

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      it's just the norm for Wauf nowadays. they only ban you if you call them out on how shit of a job they are going

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        or racism

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Ok, a couple of tips for new ‘nid collectors. Your hominids are social/colonial, but these groups are prone to territorial disputes. So the first thing is I know it gets expensive, but to really care for your ‘nids, you ideally will dedicate a whole biosphere to them. This gives them enough space to form their adorable little conurbations, develop some of their more interesting social behaviors, and the EM spectrum radiation they’ll kick off is just stunning. Just this is a very delicate time because if you’re not careful the little guys will get into a territorial dispute over something, and you’ll get a case of fiss (uncontrolled FISSion chain reactions, and yes they’ll do this) leading to colony collapse.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I try to be careful about what I introduce to my colonies after I had one fiss. Took me MONTHS to cycle the particles out of the room.
      Really best to just not give them anything radioactive at all, the crafty little bastards seem to always find a way to blow themselves up.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        One hundred percent agree. Any habitat should be stripped of radioactives that aren’t strictly necessary (careful with any substrate from the Markab as they bulk it out with tritium and don’t label it as such). Since I went filterless (meaning I needed a proper oxygen, carbon, hydrogen cycle and you only get that from active plate tectonics) I had to keep some of the uranium and thorium in the biosphere heating element to keep it liquid. Luckily it takes them a lot of effort to dig through their substrate to the heating element. They can do it, but as long as you notice it before hand and put a new asteroid down in the area they’re digging? It’ll stop them for the time being. Even if sometimes it’ll mess up a nest or cause a temporary dieback. Which, despite all the dipshit moralgays out there, is absolutely normal for ‘nids, and they recover in a few generations. Plus if you’re really lucky you’ll get some of the cooler morphs out of it (like those tiny smashed and slammed forest adapted ones).

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I tried to selectively breed them for desirable traits and overall ability but apparently you can't do that even though it works on everything else

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Reminder that human races are all about archaic admixture
    >Neanderthals
    >Denisovans
    >whatever ungodly brew of homosexual habilis, homosexual erectus, and/or australopithecus africanus that resulted in Ns

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Guys any tips? While trying to place some new enrichment items in my human enclosure I think I left my fricking smartphone down there
    Is the 12G radiation gonna frick with the little guys? They're in a tank in the garage and I don't wanna go out at night, the weather's nasty, so they're gonna have to deal with it all night long.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      If 5G is anything to go by I would keep my expectations low on what you will find the next day.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Man, I don't want to sound like an butthole, I love my humans.
      But dude they only live for like 110 years if you're lucky, you really shouldn't worry about what 12G can do to them.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        This. Love my hominids and humans in particular are really hardy. Being concerned about x or y healthwise is unesesary unless we are going into alpha beta radiation. Same goes for nutrition and physical activity. Inb4 grayBlack folk:

        >"NOOOOO!!!!1!! YOU CANT FEED THEM POLY TRANSFATS!!!1!!! YOU MUST FEED THEM THEIR EXACT METABOLIC RATE WITH THESE EXACT NUTRIENTS!!111!"

        They still live around 55-65 years and they look ADORABLE. Pic rel is my human 49372 "Barry", look at his jowls! Love the waddle him and some of his brothers do too. I am thinking of introducing and breeding some Welsh phenotypes to get them shorter so I can go for the SMASHED and SLAMMED look that some owners go for with Philippino lines.

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    This is just going to turn into the last ancient human thread isn't it? Hope you all got yourselves some cranial calipers because where this thread is going you are going to need them...

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Link?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Check the archives for a thread amongst the lines of "I miss them like you won't believe", it should be fairly recent. I am on my phone at work so I can't really go digging at the moment.

        Brother, you don't even need the threads to be about humans anymore for them to turn into that.

        Eerily true.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Brother, you don't even need the threads to be about humans anymore for them to turn into that.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I’ve got my arguments prepared 🙂

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      post number 4710719 on tbharchive Wauf I believe

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        meant to

        Link?

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Males can be erratic and aggressive, neutering is a must.

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Best to separate them by the color.

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    One of the worst smelling pets you can buy, they need constant bathing and grooming. You'll spend a fortune on vet care with their fricked up genes too.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >leave it out in the cold for a few minutes
      >gets sick and dies
      I'm never adopting one of these again

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Try a Slavic breed next time.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >that sloped forehead
          Wouldn't that impact its brain?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Human brains are very flexible. I have heard there is a correlation with steep forehead and aggression but as long as you keep your Slav fed he shouldn't pose too much of a risk. I have also known owners use grain derived alcohol in concentrations of 80% in their fluids and they mellow down considerably.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sebum. It makes them oily as frick.

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Hello Schwab.

  17. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The people may be made to follow a path but they may not be made to understand the reason why.

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