How do you even defeat an elephant unarmed?

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  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I'd just punch it until it died. Death by a thousand cuts street strategy

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Give them food, water, slowly earn their trust over years, and then you have a group of based elephant bros who can protect you

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Chimps are fricking vicious I don't think most Americans realize how deadly they can be because they've never seen one act out.

    Just look what happened to Charla Nash.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Most people see a chimp, check their weight, and immediately think
      >HURRR IT WEIGH LESS THAN ME, THAT MAKE ME BETTER, I WIN
      and then they get their ears, nose, and balls ripped off because they picked a fight with a little humanoid that is 95% upper body strength and has no concept of a fair fight, ie. It's going to fricking immediately rip your ears, nose, and balls off while screaming and probably shitting.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        worse is they are being imported by millions to yurop

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I would kill it with kindness

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >How do you even defeat an elephant unarmed?
    The trick is to get in to its blindspot.

    From there the amateur fighter will no doubt start punching at its hind but this is notoriously stupid, not only are you in range if its kicks but it's skin is so think you'll be do doing more damage to yourself. The real skill is in the footwork, you need to jump, high, high enough to grab its tail and ram your fist in its anus, shoulder deep, use the tail for leverage if you have to. Yes you heard me, you need to fist that b***h! Now, at that height, with your torso suspend your vitals will be out of range of its kicks, it may still be able to kicks your legs and they'll likely end up broken but this is about survival. So hold on for your life. Now that you're firmly lodged like an over-aggressive hemorrhoid you need to start ripping and clawing at the inside of its anal cavity, skin tough, insides soft, you get it! Go full Drax if you have to and get your whole body in there. It'll take a while for the beast to bleed but this about endurance, you keep ripping and tearing, ripping and tearing, until either it succumbs or you're dislodged. There's only one victor in this match and it's you.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you can easily take a king cobra, just microdose it's poison/ venom until immune

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yes I'll just buy cobra venom at the pharmacy

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >you can easily take a king cobra, just microdose it's poison/ venom until immune
      You can easily kill a cobra, period.
      You might succumb to the venom but it'll die before you.

      If you defeat your opponent but succumb to your wounds is still a victory?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        That’s called a Pyrrhic victory, so, yes?

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Define beat, make it run away? A decent amount.

    A fight to the death? Less so.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Do people even consider the hollow bones factor in dinosaur matchups? How much would thier lighter weight relative to size make a difference in fights?

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >How do you even defeat an elephant unarmed?

    Scare it over the edge of a ditch.

  10. 4 weeks ago
    elipo

    >how to defeat elephant?

    you'd probably have more chance against an elephant than a bear, here's the best way to do that (failure is still almost garanteed)

    >grab the elephant's tail
    >don't let go, and climb it until you're on top of the elephant
    >elephants can be dumb sometimes and won't know how to get you off without a tree to scratch nearby
    >start biting the skin
    >yes, you'll lose your teeth doing that, but it's the only way
    >as soon as you see flesh, start digging
    >dig the flesh until the elephant bleeds out

    success estimate is prob less than 1%, but it's still possible to pull off ig

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Realistically, you could train an elephant to kill another elephant. Nothing says this is a 1v1 octagon match, it could be an 'unarmed' thunderdome match.

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I think I'd draw against a cobra. I wouldn't be able to avoid its bite but I think I'd be able to cave in it's skull before I succumbed to the venom.

  13. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The real stat here is that 28% of Americans think they would die to a rat.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      If you can't stamp out the rat quickly enough it will crawl up your leg into your butthole and gg

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I have a very strong ass clench

  14. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sure, if you are in a box with an elephant, you will lose unless you climb into its mouth and it chokes on you.

    But I could kill an elephant unarmed in nature. They scare easy and they charge. I'd either scare it or get it to charge into a pit I booby trapped and camouflaged.

    Thats what ancients did to the mammoth.

    Another tip. There is only 1 surefire way to kill a lion unarmed. That is to stick your entire arm down its throat.
    1. It cannot bite(equivalent to trying to shove a can of beans in your mouth)
    2. Nothing in nature tries to do this as it is very dangerous, but you dont have a choice as you are stuck in a box with a lion. It will simply try to get away from you while regurgitating.
    3. Grab whatever you can while you are shoulder deep in a lions mouth. You might just pull his lungs out, which would lead to a quick death.

    Bears are much craftier. 10/10 times I lose to a bear. But a lion 1/10 times I rip his lungs out

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >But a lion 1/10 times I rip his lungs out
      kek good joke anon, I bet you also think you can defeat a chimp in unarmed combat

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Lions have claws too and are 400lb. This is like when people say they would just poke a UFC fighter in the eye.

      I also think you are underestimating how hard it would be to lure an elephant into a pit, and for that matter to dig a pit capable of trapping an elephant and camouflage it by yourself.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      > Thats what ancients did to the mammoth.
      Hell, that’s what they did to elephants too, the issue is that it takes an extensive amount of planning to get them to go where you want them too rather than just run away.
      > 3. Grab whatever you can while you are shoulder deep in a lions mouth. You might just pull his lungs out, which would lead to a quick death.
      You’d need to time and aim this perfectly so that you don’t just jam your fist against its teeth and you need to avoid its claws like the other poster said, doesn’t seem like your chances are very high

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I can't believe batman with prep time is posting in this thread

  15. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Just punch the elepanth and run away to dodge when he's charging his stomp

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Or, better yet, roll away with full plate armour on and while holding a sword.

  16. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The only animal I couldn't take in this scenario is an elephant. it is all about aggression. I'm pretty much at my physical peak right now, training 4 times a week in the gym, and I'm not too tall so I have a steady stance. I have a lot of penned up aggression that has been building over the years and if I was to 1-on-1 any of these animals it would all come out. I would fricking pump my chest up, walk around angrily and scream like a crazy motherfricker. I would run at the animal and rip their fricking ears off with my bare hands, punch them in the face and then jump on their back in a choke and hold. Then my bicep will do all the work while I'm punching their dome like a jackhammer.

  17. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Anything that's at knee height can be stomped to death, so rat, cat, goose, cobra are easy
    >dogs
    depends on the breed. A mallinois is a medium-sized dog but it's the breed used in K-9 units so I'd probably lose.
    >Eagle
    How do you even fight one? I'd just fly out of reach, it would just be a stalemate
    >Kangaroo
    If female they would just run away, a male I could beat with maybe just some nasty cuts from their claws
    >Wolf
    subspecies vary greatly in size, I think this with a large dog breed are the upper limit to what humans could fight and win
    >Everything else
    impossible to win

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I lived my whole life around malinois, if you're an average sized male (6ft 180lbs) you can beat a malinois 100%

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        *beat off

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          uh

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            saved

  18. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    yeah with a gun i sure as frick could

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Plot twist, you have no arms

  19. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >rat
    yes
    >cat
    yes
    >goose
    yes
    >dog
    yes
    >eagle
    yes
    >large dog
    could go either way
    >chimp
    yes
    >cobra
    Does "unarmed" mean that I can't pick up a rock from the ground and throw it at the cobra?
    >kangaroo
    yes
    >wolf
    yes
    >croc
    no
    >gorilla
    no
    >elephant
    lmao no
    >lion
    no
    >bear
    no

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You could not fight a chimpanzee, kek. The strongest human in the world would die in seconds against any adult male chimp.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'd pick Bjornsson over a chimp. Outweighs it massively, can kick. Chimps are quite small.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Chimps grab with the force of an industrial lathe.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            So does Thor, probably. You would need insane grip strength to do what he does.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Add in two other heavyweights and I give them fair chances. Iirc there’s no chance of knocking out a chimp so you’d have to full on bludgeon it to death without letting up or giving it a chance to fight back.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            A man who lifts 800lb could swing an 80lb chimp into the floor like a sledgehammer and break all its bones, or just grab anything in reach and tear it off.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Chimps have weaker chins and less durable fists than humans. Boxing is probably as good of a shot as a human has against a chimp. Judo isn’t going to avail you.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              What if the chimp is wearing a jacket?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      It's significantly more difficult to beat a chimp than a large dog. If you kick a large dog enough with hard footwear on, it will run away. If you kick a chimp, it will grab onto your leg and break it.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Chimp would be after the gorilla. They don't ask stupid questions like "can I pick up a rock?". After that it really depends how big the crocodile is and if you're in water with it or not.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Why are you iffy on a large dog, but not a wolf.
      A wolf is a large dog. What is the distinction in your mind?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Large dogs are bigger and stronger than wolves, wolves are medium dogs.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I guess it depends on the type of wolf, but they can be pretty big

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      > dog could go either way
      >I can totally beat up a chim
      get a load of this guy

  20. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    16 replies and not one hind legs copypasta
    this is so sad

  21. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I mean if the rat ate some of your stuff, you can't catch it and it successfully escapes which means accomplishing its task that means you did not defeat it and it won.

  22. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >28% of people think they'd lose in a fight against a rat
    wat

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Asian Americans

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      it just says they wouldn't be able to beat one, which is reasonable since rats are fast and difficult to catch

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Rats spread the bubonic plague across Europe, killing 50% of its population, so if anything rats are underestimated.

  23. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    They gathered this data by having people sort threats from least to greatest. The headline is cool and all but it's misleading.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty sure lions are a lot more dangerous/sneaky than grizzlies.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Elephants aren't dangerous unless you frick with them.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Pretty sure the scenario is *if* they were a threat

        Asian Americans

        Kek

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Or if they're un musth

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I will never let an unsupervised kid near an elephant, especially a wild one

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I will never let an unsupervised kid near an elephant, especially a wild one

        especially a wild one with liquid leaking from its temple and running down the side of its head

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty sure the scenario is *if* they were a threat
      [...]
      Kek

      Most threatening animals are near the bottom, hmm. hmmm

  24. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Reminder the elephants rag-doll hippos and rhinos.

  25. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    do bees count as unarmed?

  26. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Meanwhile, there's a lot of Americans who think they could punch an elephant to death, but not a bear. What is the reason for this?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Real life experience with bears but not elephants. I doubt most people, not just americans, even realise how big elephants actually are.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Do you really have people in America who don't know that the elephant is the biggest land animal?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          "Biggest land animal" isn't saying much when nobody has ever interacted with one. Most of the information about them comes from media where they are portrayed as gentle, and even friendly, easily scared animals that wouldn't put much of a fight. They don't do a very good job of portraying them as having extremely thick skin, being the size of your house, and being capable of literally beating you into a pulp, even if they weren't actually trying to kill you.

          On the other hand, americans frequently interact with bears and know exactly what they're capable of. And they know grizzlies are the biggest, strongest, and most aggressive of them. So it's not really a surprise that most of them would feel more confident about fighting an animal they know very little or nothing about vs one that they do.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >And they know grizzlies are the biggest, strongest, and most aggressive of them.
            Fricking Americans...

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >biggest
              yes
              >strongest
              yes
              >most aggressive
              no, but still more likely to eat you than a grizz so I guess yea in a way

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Since almost 0 Americans live anywhere near them, polar bears are closer to cryptids than actual animals in their minds, in terms of power scaling.

              Most people survive encountering a grizzly bear, but a polar bear will kill and eat you the moment it finds you (it can smell you from 25 miles away and it already knows you're here).
              Thank god that horrid beast from the ice can't come down south and get us.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >(it can smell you from 25 miles away and it already knows you're here).
                Can’t grizzlies do the same?

                https://i.imgur.com/fseYhox.png

                You could not fight a chimpanzee, kek. The strongest human in the world would die in seconds against any adult male chimp.

                Painfully at that. Since they love to target genitals

                https://i.imgur.com/oxEHlhE.jpg

                Anything that's at knee height can be stomped to death, so rat, cat, goose, cobra are easy
                >dogs
                depends on the breed. A mallinois is a medium-sized dog but it's the breed used in K-9 units so I'd probably lose.
                >Eagle
                How do you even fight one? I'd just fly out of reach, it would just be a stalemate
                >Kangaroo
                If female they would just run away, a male I could beat with maybe just some nasty cuts from their claws
                >Wolf
                subspecies vary greatly in size, I think this with a large dog breed are the upper limit to what humans could fight and win
                >Everything else
                impossible to win

                >a male I could beat
                A kick from a kangaroo is liable to shatter your rib cage or disembowel you, at the very least knocking the air out of you, doesn’t seem very likely a person could beat them

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                It's significantly more difficult to beat a chimp than a large dog. If you kick a large dog enough with hard footwear on, it will run away. If you kick a chimp, it will grab onto your leg and break it.

                Chimp would be after the gorilla. They don't ask stupid questions like "can I pick up a rock?". After that it really depends how big the crocodile is and if you're in water with it or not.

                Chimps are probably the scariest thing here. The way they fight is just brutal

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Dude, polar bears walk into towns and ransack garbage bins on the regular. They don't generally give a shit about humans beyond stealing their trash.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Americans don't know that, they only hear about polar bears in tall tales about how dangerous the arctic is.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >he hasn't heard about Alaska

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                jokes on you bud, I live next to one of americas largest polar bear conservatories. i be frickin MAD polar-bitches nigguh

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      joe rogan's bear shilling, that guy gets a stiffie anytime the word bear comes up.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      they haven't seen the webm of an elephant running over and stomping the guts out of a pajeet

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