Most people see a chimp, check their weight, and immediately think >HURRR IT WEIGH LESS THAN ME, THAT MAKE ME BETTER, I WIN
and then they get their ears, nose, and balls ripped off because they picked a fight with a little humanoid that is 95% upper body strength and has no concept of a fair fight, ie. It's going to fricking immediately rip your ears, nose, and balls off while screaming and probably shitting.
>How do you even defeat an elephant unarmed?
The trick is to get in to its blindspot.
From there the amateur fighter will no doubt start punching at its hind but this is notoriously stupid, not only are you in range if its kicks but it's skin is so think you'll be do doing more damage to yourself. The real skill is in the footwork, you need to jump, high, high enough to grab its tail and ram your fist in its anus, shoulder deep, use the tail for leverage if you have to. Yes you heard me, you need to fist that b***h! Now, at that height, with your torso suspend your vitals will be out of range of its kicks, it may still be able to kicks your legs and they'll likely end up broken but this is about survival. So hold on for your life. Now that you're firmly lodged like an over-aggressive hemorrhoid you need to start ripping and clawing at the inside of its anal cavity, skin tough, insides soft, you get it! Go full Drax if you have to and get your whole body in there. It'll take a while for the beast to bleed but this about endurance, you keep ripping and tearing, ripping and tearing, until either it succumbs or you're dislodged. There's only one victor in this match and it's you.
>you can easily take a king cobra, just microdose it's poison/ venom until immune
You can easily kill a cobra, period.
You might succumb to the venom but it'll die before you.
If you defeat your opponent but succumb to your wounds is still a victory?
Do people even consider the hollow bones factor in dinosaur matchups? How much would thier lighter weight relative to size make a difference in fights?
you'd probably have more chance against an elephant than a bear, here's the best way to do that (failure is still almost garanteed)
>grab the elephant's tail >don't let go, and climb it until you're on top of the elephant >elephants can be dumb sometimes and won't know how to get you off without a tree to scratch nearby >start biting the skin >yes, you'll lose your teeth doing that, but it's the only way >as soon as you see flesh, start digging >dig the flesh until the elephant bleeds out
success estimate is prob less than 1%, but it's still possible to pull off ig
Realistically, you could train an elephant to kill another elephant. Nothing says this is a 1v1 octagon match, it could be an 'unarmed' thunderdome match.
Sure, if you are in a box with an elephant, you will lose unless you climb into its mouth and it chokes on you.
But I could kill an elephant unarmed in nature. They scare easy and they charge. I'd either scare it or get it to charge into a pit I booby trapped and camouflaged.
Thats what ancients did to the mammoth.
Another tip. There is only 1 surefire way to kill a lion unarmed. That is to stick your entire arm down its throat.
1. It cannot bite(equivalent to trying to shove a can of beans in your mouth)
2. Nothing in nature tries to do this as it is very dangerous, but you dont have a choice as you are stuck in a box with a lion. It will simply try to get away from you while regurgitating.
3. Grab whatever you can while you are shoulder deep in a lions mouth. You might just pull his lungs out, which would lead to a quick death.
Bears are much craftier. 10/10 times I lose to a bear. But a lion 1/10 times I rip his lungs out
Lions have claws too and are 400lb. This is like when people say they would just poke a UFC fighter in the eye.
I also think you are underestimating how hard it would be to lure an elephant into a pit, and for that matter to dig a pit capable of trapping an elephant and camouflage it by yourself.
> Thats what ancients did to the mammoth.
Hell, that’s what they did to elephants too, the issue is that it takes an extensive amount of planning to get them to go where you want them too rather than just run away. > 3. Grab whatever you can while you are shoulder deep in a lions mouth. You might just pull his lungs out, which would lead to a quick death.
You’d need to time and aim this perfectly so that you don’t just jam your fist against its teeth and you need to avoid its claws like the other poster said, doesn’t seem like your chances are very high
The only animal I couldn't take in this scenario is an elephant. it is all about aggression. I'm pretty much at my physical peak right now, training 4 times a week in the gym, and I'm not too tall so I have a steady stance. I have a lot of penned up aggression that has been building over the years and if I was to 1-on-1 any of these animals it would all come out. I would fricking pump my chest up, walk around angrily and scream like a crazy motherfricker. I would run at the animal and rip their fricking ears off with my bare hands, punch them in the face and then jump on their back in a choke and hold. Then my bicep will do all the work while I'm punching their dome like a jackhammer.
Anything that's at knee height can be stomped to death, so rat, cat, goose, cobra are easy >dogs
depends on the breed. A mallinois is a medium-sized dog but it's the breed used in K-9 units so I'd probably lose. >Eagle
How do you even fight one? I'd just fly out of reach, it would just be a stalemate >Kangaroo
If female they would just run away, a male I could beat with maybe just some nasty cuts from their claws >Wolf
subspecies vary greatly in size, I think this with a large dog breed are the upper limit to what humans could fight and win >Everything else
impossible to win
>rat
yes >cat
yes >goose
yes >dog
yes >eagle
yes >large dog
could go either way >chimp
yes >cobra
Does "unarmed" mean that I can't pick up a rock from the ground and throw it at the cobra? >kangaroo
yes >wolf
yes >croc
no >gorilla
no >elephant
lmao no >lion
no >bear
no
Add in two other heavyweights and I give them fair chances. Iirc there’s no chance of knocking out a chimp so you’d have to full on bludgeon it to death without letting up or giving it a chance to fight back.
A man who lifts 800lb could swing an 80lb chimp into the floor like a sledgehammer and break all its bones, or just grab anything in reach and tear it off.
Chimps have weaker chins and less durable fists than humans. Boxing is probably as good of a shot as a human has against a chimp. Judo isn’t going to avail you.
It's significantly more difficult to beat a chimp than a large dog. If you kick a large dog enough with hard footwear on, it will run away. If you kick a chimp, it will grab onto your leg and break it.
Chimp would be after the gorilla. They don't ask stupid questions like "can I pick up a rock?". After that it really depends how big the crocodile is and if you're in water with it or not.
I mean if the rat ate some of your stuff, you can't catch it and it successfully escapes which means accomplishing its task that means you did not defeat it and it won.
"Biggest land animal" isn't saying much when nobody has ever interacted with one. Most of the information about them comes from media where they are portrayed as gentle, and even friendly, easily scared animals that wouldn't put much of a fight. They don't do a very good job of portraying them as having extremely thick skin, being the size of your house, and being capable of literally beating you into a pulp, even if they weren't actually trying to kill you.
On the other hand, americans frequently interact with bears and know exactly what they're capable of. And they know grizzlies are the biggest, strongest, and most aggressive of them. So it's not really a surprise that most of them would feel more confident about fighting an animal they know very little or nothing about vs one that they do.
Since almost 0 Americans live anywhere near them, polar bears are closer to cryptids than actual animals in their minds, in terms of power scaling.
Most people survive encountering a grizzly bear, but a polar bear will kill and eat you the moment it finds you (it can smell you from 25 miles away and it already knows you're here).
Thank god that horrid beast from the ice can't come down south and get us.
2 months ago
Anonymous
>(it can smell you from 25 miles away and it already knows you're here).
Can’t grizzlies do the same?
https://i.imgur.com/fseYhox.png
You could not fight a chimpanzee, kek. The strongest human in the world would die in seconds against any adult male chimp.
Painfully at that. Since they love to target genitals
https://i.imgur.com/oxEHlhE.jpg
Anything that's at knee height can be stomped to death, so rat, cat, goose, cobra are easy >dogs
depends on the breed. A mallinois is a medium-sized dog but it's the breed used in K-9 units so I'd probably lose. >Eagle
How do you even fight one? I'd just fly out of reach, it would just be a stalemate >Kangaroo
If female they would just run away, a male I could beat with maybe just some nasty cuts from their claws >Wolf
subspecies vary greatly in size, I think this with a large dog breed are the upper limit to what humans could fight and win >Everything else
impossible to win
>a male I could beat
A kick from a kangaroo is liable to shatter your rib cage or disembowel you, at the very least knocking the air out of you, doesn’t seem very likely a person could beat them
2 months ago
Anonymous
It's significantly more difficult to beat a chimp than a large dog. If you kick a large dog enough with hard footwear on, it will run away. If you kick a chimp, it will grab onto your leg and break it.
Chimp would be after the gorilla. They don't ask stupid questions like "can I pick up a rock?". After that it really depends how big the crocodile is and if you're in water with it or not.
Chimps are probably the scariest thing here. The way they fight is just brutal
2 months ago
Anonymous
Dude, polar bears walk into towns and ransack garbage bins on the regular. They don't generally give a shit about humans beyond stealing their trash.
2 months ago
Anonymous
Americans don't know that, they only hear about polar bears in tall tales about how dangerous the arctic is.
1 month ago
Anonymous
>he hasn't heard about Alaska
1 month ago
Anonymous
jokes on you bud, I live next to one of americas largest polar bear conservatories. i be frickin MAD polar-bitches nigguh
I'd just punch it until it died. Death by a thousand cuts street strategy
Give them food, water, slowly earn their trust over years, and then you have a group of based elephant bros who can protect you
Chimps are fricking vicious I don't think most Americans realize how deadly they can be because they've never seen one act out.
Just look what happened to Charla Nash.
Most people see a chimp, check their weight, and immediately think
>HURRR IT WEIGH LESS THAN ME, THAT MAKE ME BETTER, I WIN
and then they get their ears, nose, and balls ripped off because they picked a fight with a little humanoid that is 95% upper body strength and has no concept of a fair fight, ie. It's going to fricking immediately rip your ears, nose, and balls off while screaming and probably shitting.
worse is they are being imported by millions to yurop
I would kill it with kindness
>How do you even defeat an elephant unarmed?
The trick is to get in to its blindspot.
From there the amateur fighter will no doubt start punching at its hind but this is notoriously stupid, not only are you in range if its kicks but it's skin is so think you'll be do doing more damage to yourself. The real skill is in the footwork, you need to jump, high, high enough to grab its tail and ram your fist in its anus, shoulder deep, use the tail for leverage if you have to. Yes you heard me, you need to fist that b***h! Now, at that height, with your torso suspend your vitals will be out of range of its kicks, it may still be able to kicks your legs and they'll likely end up broken but this is about survival. So hold on for your life. Now that you're firmly lodged like an over-aggressive hemorrhoid you need to start ripping and clawing at the inside of its anal cavity, skin tough, insides soft, you get it! Go full Drax if you have to and get your whole body in there. It'll take a while for the beast to bleed but this about endurance, you keep ripping and tearing, ripping and tearing, until either it succumbs or you're dislodged. There's only one victor in this match and it's you.
you can easily take a king cobra, just microdose it's poison/ venom until immune
Yes I'll just buy cobra venom at the pharmacy
>you can easily take a king cobra, just microdose it's poison/ venom until immune
You can easily kill a cobra, period.
You might succumb to the venom but it'll die before you.
If you defeat your opponent but succumb to your wounds is still a victory?
That’s called a Pyrrhic victory, so, yes?
Define beat, make it run away? A decent amount.
A fight to the death? Less so.
Do people even consider the hollow bones factor in dinosaur matchups? How much would thier lighter weight relative to size make a difference in fights?
>How do you even defeat an elephant unarmed?
Scare it over the edge of a ditch.
>how to defeat elephant?
you'd probably have more chance against an elephant than a bear, here's the best way to do that (failure is still almost garanteed)
>grab the elephant's tail
>don't let go, and climb it until you're on top of the elephant
>elephants can be dumb sometimes and won't know how to get you off without a tree to scratch nearby
>start biting the skin
>yes, you'll lose your teeth doing that, but it's the only way
>as soon as you see flesh, start digging
>dig the flesh until the elephant bleeds out
success estimate is prob less than 1%, but it's still possible to pull off ig
Realistically, you could train an elephant to kill another elephant. Nothing says this is a 1v1 octagon match, it could be an 'unarmed' thunderdome match.
I think I'd draw against a cobra. I wouldn't be able to avoid its bite but I think I'd be able to cave in it's skull before I succumbed to the venom.
The real stat here is that 28% of Americans think they would die to a rat.
If you can't stamp out the rat quickly enough it will crawl up your leg into your butthole and gg
I have a very strong ass clench
Sure, if you are in a box with an elephant, you will lose unless you climb into its mouth and it chokes on you.
But I could kill an elephant unarmed in nature. They scare easy and they charge. I'd either scare it or get it to charge into a pit I booby trapped and camouflaged.
Thats what ancients did to the mammoth.
Another tip. There is only 1 surefire way to kill a lion unarmed. That is to stick your entire arm down its throat.
1. It cannot bite(equivalent to trying to shove a can of beans in your mouth)
2. Nothing in nature tries to do this as it is very dangerous, but you dont have a choice as you are stuck in a box with a lion. It will simply try to get away from you while regurgitating.
3. Grab whatever you can while you are shoulder deep in a lions mouth. You might just pull his lungs out, which would lead to a quick death.
Bears are much craftier. 10/10 times I lose to a bear. But a lion 1/10 times I rip his lungs out
>But a lion 1/10 times I rip his lungs out
kek good joke anon, I bet you also think you can defeat a chimp in unarmed combat
Lions have claws too and are 400lb. This is like when people say they would just poke a UFC fighter in the eye.
I also think you are underestimating how hard it would be to lure an elephant into a pit, and for that matter to dig a pit capable of trapping an elephant and camouflage it by yourself.
> Thats what ancients did to the mammoth.
Hell, that’s what they did to elephants too, the issue is that it takes an extensive amount of planning to get them to go where you want them too rather than just run away.
> 3. Grab whatever you can while you are shoulder deep in a lions mouth. You might just pull his lungs out, which would lead to a quick death.
You’d need to time and aim this perfectly so that you don’t just jam your fist against its teeth and you need to avoid its claws like the other poster said, doesn’t seem like your chances are very high
I can't believe batman with prep time is posting in this thread
Just punch the elepanth and run away to dodge when he's charging his stomp
Or, better yet, roll away with full plate armour on and while holding a sword.
The only animal I couldn't take in this scenario is an elephant. it is all about aggression. I'm pretty much at my physical peak right now, training 4 times a week in the gym, and I'm not too tall so I have a steady stance. I have a lot of penned up aggression that has been building over the years and if I was to 1-on-1 any of these animals it would all come out. I would fricking pump my chest up, walk around angrily and scream like a crazy motherfricker. I would run at the animal and rip their fricking ears off with my bare hands, punch them in the face and then jump on their back in a choke and hold. Then my bicep will do all the work while I'm punching their dome like a jackhammer.
Anything that's at knee height can be stomped to death, so rat, cat, goose, cobra are easy
>dogs
depends on the breed. A mallinois is a medium-sized dog but it's the breed used in K-9 units so I'd probably lose.
>Eagle
How do you even fight one? I'd just fly out of reach, it would just be a stalemate
>Kangaroo
If female they would just run away, a male I could beat with maybe just some nasty cuts from their claws
>Wolf
subspecies vary greatly in size, I think this with a large dog breed are the upper limit to what humans could fight and win
>Everything else
impossible to win
I lived my whole life around malinois, if you're an average sized male (6ft 180lbs) you can beat a malinois 100%
*beat off
uh
saved
yeah with a gun i sure as frick could
Plot twist, you have no arms
>rat
yes
>cat
yes
>goose
yes
>dog
yes
>eagle
yes
>large dog
could go either way
>chimp
yes
>cobra
Does "unarmed" mean that I can't pick up a rock from the ground and throw it at the cobra?
>kangaroo
yes
>wolf
yes
>croc
no
>gorilla
no
>elephant
lmao no
>lion
no
>bear
no
You could not fight a chimpanzee, kek. The strongest human in the world would die in seconds against any adult male chimp.
I'd pick Bjornsson over a chimp. Outweighs it massively, can kick. Chimps are quite small.
Chimps grab with the force of an industrial lathe.
So does Thor, probably. You would need insane grip strength to do what he does.
Add in two other heavyweights and I give them fair chances. Iirc there’s no chance of knocking out a chimp so you’d have to full on bludgeon it to death without letting up or giving it a chance to fight back.
A man who lifts 800lb could swing an 80lb chimp into the floor like a sledgehammer and break all its bones, or just grab anything in reach and tear it off.
Chimps have weaker chins and less durable fists than humans. Boxing is probably as good of a shot as a human has against a chimp. Judo isn’t going to avail you.
What if the chimp is wearing a jacket?
It's significantly more difficult to beat a chimp than a large dog. If you kick a large dog enough with hard footwear on, it will run away. If you kick a chimp, it will grab onto your leg and break it.
Chimp would be after the gorilla. They don't ask stupid questions like "can I pick up a rock?". After that it really depends how big the crocodile is and if you're in water with it or not.
Why are you iffy on a large dog, but not a wolf.
A wolf is a large dog. What is the distinction in your mind?
Large dogs are bigger and stronger than wolves, wolves are medium dogs.
I guess it depends on the type of wolf, but they can be pretty big
> dog could go either way
>I can totally beat up a chim
get a load of this guy
16 replies and not one hind legs copypasta
this is so sad
I mean if the rat ate some of your stuff, you can't catch it and it successfully escapes which means accomplishing its task that means you did not defeat it and it won.
>28% of people think they'd lose in a fight against a rat
wat
Asian Americans
it just says they wouldn't be able to beat one, which is reasonable since rats are fast and difficult to catch
Rats spread the bubonic plague across Europe, killing 50% of its population, so if anything rats are underestimated.
They gathered this data by having people sort threats from least to greatest. The headline is cool and all but it's misleading.
Pretty sure lions are a lot more dangerous/sneaky than grizzlies.
Elephants aren't dangerous unless you frick with them.
Pretty sure the scenario is *if* they were a threat
Kek
Or if they're un musth
I will never let an unsupervised kid near an elephant, especially a wild one
especially a wild one with liquid leaking from its temple and running down the side of its head
Most threatening animals are near the bottom, hmm. hmmm
Reminder the elephants rag-doll hippos and rhinos.
do bees count as unarmed?
Meanwhile, there's a lot of Americans who think they could punch an elephant to death, but not a bear. What is the reason for this?
Real life experience with bears but not elephants. I doubt most people, not just americans, even realise how big elephants actually are.
Do you really have people in America who don't know that the elephant is the biggest land animal?
"Biggest land animal" isn't saying much when nobody has ever interacted with one. Most of the information about them comes from media where they are portrayed as gentle, and even friendly, easily scared animals that wouldn't put much of a fight. They don't do a very good job of portraying them as having extremely thick skin, being the size of your house, and being capable of literally beating you into a pulp, even if they weren't actually trying to kill you.
On the other hand, americans frequently interact with bears and know exactly what they're capable of. And they know grizzlies are the biggest, strongest, and most aggressive of them. So it's not really a surprise that most of them would feel more confident about fighting an animal they know very little or nothing about vs one that they do.
>And they know grizzlies are the biggest, strongest, and most aggressive of them.
Fricking Americans...
>biggest
yes
>strongest
yes
>most aggressive
no, but still more likely to eat you than a grizz so I guess yea in a way
Since almost 0 Americans live anywhere near them, polar bears are closer to cryptids than actual animals in their minds, in terms of power scaling.
Most people survive encountering a grizzly bear, but a polar bear will kill and eat you the moment it finds you (it can smell you from 25 miles away and it already knows you're here).
Thank god that horrid beast from the ice can't come down south and get us.
>(it can smell you from 25 miles away and it already knows you're here).
Can’t grizzlies do the same?
Painfully at that. Since they love to target genitals
>a male I could beat
A kick from a kangaroo is liable to shatter your rib cage or disembowel you, at the very least knocking the air out of you, doesn’t seem very likely a person could beat them
Chimps are probably the scariest thing here. The way they fight is just brutal
Dude, polar bears walk into towns and ransack garbage bins on the regular. They don't generally give a shit about humans beyond stealing their trash.
Americans don't know that, they only hear about polar bears in tall tales about how dangerous the arctic is.
>he hasn't heard about Alaska
jokes on you bud, I live next to one of americas largest polar bear conservatories. i be frickin MAD polar-bitches nigguh
joe rogan's bear shilling, that guy gets a stiffie anytime the word bear comes up.
they haven't seen the webm of an elephant running over and stomping the guts out of a pajeet