how do i get rid of annoying opossum?

there's an opossum that keeps coming into my garage at night and making a mess. i went out a few nights ago and caught him doing it and he wasn't scared of me. why? shouldn't he be scared of a giant human who could easily kill him? i went inside to get a broom to beat his ass with and by the time i came back out he was gone

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  1. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Trap it in a live catch trap, release it elsewhere. It won't be back.
    t. accidentally caught a possum in a gopher trap and we released it in a nearby park

  2. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Opossums are friends, they eat ticks.
    If they're getting into your trash, that's kinda YOUR fault.

  3. 7 months ago
    Anonymous
  4. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    op here, it just happened again only it looks like a smaller one this time. it doesn't look like he has the head injury i inflicted on the bigger one from before? anyway i cornered this new one and beat his ass with the same hollow metal broom handle and choked him against the wall with it to make sure his encounter with a human was as traumatic as possible but i didn't beat him bloody like i did the other one. he started stinking real bad i think he shit himself when i was whipping his ass. anyway hopefully this is the end of this

    • 7 months ago
      Anonymous

      Problem is: The more you beat away the more will come eventually. You make them think your house is an interesting place to sleep, steal food, whatever.

      And you will leave more and more scents from other opossums. This lures more and more opossums.

      Best way: Keep one inside. Pet him, feed him, jerk off with him. If one's inside, he will mark his territory allowing the both of you to keep intruders outside.

      • 7 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yeah scents are gonna be a problem if you've scared away an individual possum, but it marked the area for others with smell. Can't you pour some coyote piss around the perimeter? That ought to scare them away.

    • 7 months ago
      Anonymous

      so you severely injured a wild animal (instead of just mercifully and swiftly ending its life) that's now going going to be in agony for the rest of its short existence because you're too moronic to have a garage door on a fricking garage?

      • 7 months ago
        Anonymous

        no, i'm pretty sure it was just a superficial wound. ive fought a few dudes and slammed one's head in a car door once and it looked the same, just face/head wounds tend to bleed a bit for some reason and that dude we fine he didn't even go get stitches as far as i know. after i whipped his ass the bigger one ran straight into the woods when i let him go so it wasn't like he was delirious or anything but i did feel a little bad for him so i went easier on the little one. anyway i'm waiting to see if either one comes back tonight, i guess we'll find out how stupid they are or aren't

  5. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just put a heavy rock on the lid, moron. Problem solved.

  6. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Can't you just share your garage? Let him have his fun

  7. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    I hope he bites you and gives you rabies and Lyme disease.

  8. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    op here. the dumb little shit came back for some reason so i blocked his exit and beat his ass with a hollow metal broom handle until his head had blood on it, then i let him run away into the woods behind my house. i hated to do it but the idiot had it coming. i hope he lives and learned his lesson about fricking around where humans are but if he comes back again i'm going to straight up kill him and not feel bad about it. there is a such thing as 'too stupid to live'

    • 7 months ago
      Anonymous

      moron.

      Where I live every damn animal even deer and hedgehogs run away from me when I'm like 300 yards away. I'd gladly have a wild animal seek shelter at my place. A one in a million chance thrown away.

      Tell him you love him. Everything you love goes away.

      It's getting me some Heather vibes. I love Heather.

      • 7 months ago
        Anonymous

        >It's getting me some Heather vibes. I love Heather
        wut

        • 7 months ago
          Anonymous

          I'm so sorry you never heard of her before.

    • 7 months ago
      Anonymous

      He'll be back tonight, this time with friends.

      It's your ass then.

  9. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Opossums are nomadic, so it'll probably stop coming to your garage on its own unless there's something there for it. I'd be more concerned about the fact that it can get into your garage in the first place... if opossums can get in then so can mice, rats, and probably raccoons which are all far more destructive.

    • 7 months ago
      Anonymous

      oh no, its a brick open garage attached to my house. there's no door that let's down or anything like that. i've lived here a few years and this is the first time i've ever had an animal come in and knock shit over and strew shit around like it owned the place. he looked like a younger one so maybe thats his problem

  10. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Give him food and stop being a pussy. I managed to pet one once. They feel so weird.

  11. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    cure its headache with some .22 caliber aspirin

  12. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    Tell him you love him. Everything you love goes away.

  13. 7 months ago
    Anonymous

    also there's no food or garbage out there for him to eat. he's going through the stuff I have out there and knocking everything over which makes noise at 3:30am and wakes me up

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